Nicole's Struggle

 Nicole Young

This is a heart wrenching story about Nicole Young.  She has overcome many difficulties in her life, and hopes to inspire change in others that may relate.  So follow her progress and cheer her on.  She is amazing!  

Welcome to the team Nicole!  We are excited and hope to be that push that helps you conquer your struggle with your self-image once and for all.  You are worth it, and their is nothing you can't overcome! Thanks for sharing your story, and we can't wait to see you win your battle!

I CAN DO HARD THINGS!  I found this saying at a local store and LOVE IT!!

When I was 13 I weighed 90 pounds. I started “dating” an 18 years old guy who thought I was too fat so I decided to quit eating all together so I could be skinny for him. With that went my self-esteem.  I would either not eat or I would puke. While “dating” this guy he took advantage of me in the worst way possible. While trying to deal with it I started doing drugs so I didn’t have to “feel” anything. When I was 16 I weighed in at 75 pounds and didn’t look good! I had a friend who I respected very much tell me that I needed help. I was able to get the help I needed and got up to 100 pounds.

I had a hard time at school when I went back, because everyone saw me for what I was before I got help not who I was then! I decided to switch schools, which was the best thing because I was able to find my (now) sweet husband who helped me gain 35 more pounds.

When we got married in 2004 I was a healthy 135 pounds. We started trying to get pregnant but couldn’t so I had to go on clomid (a fertility medication) which in 4 months made me gain 80 pounds. 215 POUNDS!! I was able to lose 30 pounds during the process of having 8 miscarriages.  

8 miscarriages…let me tell you I wouldn’t wish a single one onto my worst enemy!  I was so depressed I didn’t want to do anything but eat and lay on the couch!  

I was mad at myself since the doctors said the contributing factors were because of my weight and because of the anorexia and the drugs I had done!

In January 2006 I had to have cysts removed off my ovaries. After which we were finally able to conceive a beautiful healthy baby boy! The pregnancy was stressful knowing that since he was a boy I had a 50/50 chance that he would die due to a family genetic disorder. During the pregnancy I gained 20 pounds. 205!!

After he was born I tried EVERY diet under the sun, they would work great for a while then I would gain it back plus a little. I hired a personal trainer who was amazing and was so patient with my body and my (let’s be honest) crappy attitude. Nothing seemed to work, the weight just wouldn’t come off. There was no hope left in my head! I remember being so low I didn’t think anyone in the whole world knew what I was going through and I was so alone!

In June 2010 we were blessed with a beautiful girl! I was having active contractions at 25 weeks so the doctor wouldn’t let me do anything too strenuous. So when I delivered I was at 216!

In November 2010 my bladder started to prolapse (fall out) so I had to have surgery to get it put back into place. That meant 6 weeks with NO exercise. In February 2011 I realized something else wasn’t right. Sure enough my uterus was prolapsing and so was my bladder so in March 2011 I had a MAJOR surgery which included a partial hysterectomy (uterus only), bladder repair and a sling to keep it all into place. This meant 6 MORE weeks with no exercise. Talk about feeling like the world was against me! When I got cleared to workout I didn’t want to…. let me be honest by then I was lazy and I wanted to lose weight but didn’t want to do the work.

Finally in May the bug hit so I started a good diet and exercise program which included 1 ½ hours in the morning and 1 ½ hours later in the day and eating about 1500 calories. No weight loss came and so I kept getting… well pissed off! All this work for nothing really! I went to my doctor and asked him what was going on. He ran some tests and found out that I was pre diabetic and my hormones were totally wacked out! So I started medication and lost a little down to 206. Still sucked knowing that I was pre diabetic!!

A rock bottom moment for me was in July 2012 we went on a trip to New York and I couldn’t do the seat belt up! I had to hold my breath and suck in as best I could to get it done up. Within minutes I was crying so hard into my sweet hubbys shoulder his shirt was soaking wet! It was awful! I had to undo the belt and didn’t do it back up again I REFUSED to ask for an extender! I WAS NOT GOING TO BE THAT PERSON!

After that I tried to get motivated to work out and do the work AGAIN! So I started (half-heartedly) to do the work again so yes I realize this is my fault!

In April 2012 I was taken to the ER with intense pain turns out my gallbladder was chuck full of stones and I had a hernia and my right ovary was completely covered in cysts. This meant another surgery, and also meant another 6 weeks with no exercise! ANOTHER MAJOR SURGERY! Are you freaking kidding me?! My positive attitude was really hard to find if not impossible! My poor husband has heard me cry and vent and complain so much I don’t know how he is still around! He is an amazing support to me without him who knows where I would be!

When I recovered from that I started the program again as best I could. My foot (which I broke in New York) was hurting me so bad I could hardly walk. So in August 2012 I had to have foot surgery which meant.. You guessed it 4 weeks of no exercise. I got so mad with this I just kinda gave up which was a mistake.

 In September 2012 I weighed in at a whopping 249 pounds!! I have never been so mortified in my life! Me the girl who was always skinny always healthy was now 249 FREAKING POUNDS!

I started my program again and got down to 236 by January.  I found a diet which helps you know which foods don’t chemically fit with your body! I lost 9 pounds in 20 days which is great for me and since then I have been going up and down and up and down.  But I am so ready to just see it go down!

I for one find it super hard to stay positive when you go through so much crap and only hear “why aren’t you skinny” “you are so lazy” “you need to work harder” Or when I am venting about my struggles and only hear “well” (with a duh you idiot behind it) It’s especially hard when you hear it from people who are really close to you! People who are supposed to be your biggest support its SOOO hard not to let it affect you! I have learned that I have to not let what they have to say get into my head! Took me about 6 years to learn this! People don’t understand that I am trying and I am doing the best my body and emotions can do! I am going to use these people to fuel my fire and say screw you! I CAN do this! If I have to cut them out of my life so be it NOW IS THE TIME FOR ME!!!!

My hope is that I can help myself get healthy and fit so I can be around for myself, my husband, and my amazing kids!! 

I am also hoping that I am able to inspire even just one person! I hope my story and my journey can help someone know it’s possible and NOT have the feelings I did when I was completely alone!

I am terrified but so beyond excited to go on this journey with you! It’s going to be amazing! Hold on its going to be a bumpy ride!! I AM READY TO DO THIS! BRING IT ON!